"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

-Macbeth

Well, another journal. I feel kinda like I'm writing a diary. Nobody's reading and nobody's noticing and absolutely nobody cares. At this point, I'm only typing this crap because of old habits and nothing else.

I feel exhausted. I've had play practice, extreme trumpeting challenge, blaring schoolwork, and tons of stuff. Last night, I looked around online to try and find something I could laugh at, or even enjoy. My mom heard a giggle, screamed at me, and told me to get back to work. I begin to think I might be the only person at school who's not allowed to have fun, because they all seem to be happy and jumping around joking about "sax and violins". Meanwhile, I just feel worse and worse, while I feel more and more tired every day and begin to wish I hadn't signed up for half the stuff I have. I can't, though. If I did, I would be letting something down and creating huge problems.

I don't know what school is trying to teach me. They say they're trying to get me ready for my future, but all of the teachers seem to have a different point of view on how to do that. One thinks she needs to teach us lessons from the past and help us understand how other people feel, while others just think that we need to learn material that is basics for jobs. I know what I want to be, all right. A psychologist. the concept has always fascinated me. However none of the classes have actually taught me what I really want to know.

How to help myself get over my own personal flaws.

I've always been to shy for my own good. remembering some awkward moment from 8 years ago gets me to blush for 20 minutes straight. I feel horribly exposed if someone in the hallway says "hi" and expects a response. It's just my nature. I've learned about genetics. I've learned about Psychoimmunoneurology. I've learned about Ancient Athens. I've learned about Macbeth. I've learned so many things in my life, but I've never had one single period of class where I was taught how to make myself a better person in my society.

I feel frustrated. It's like I'm a fish swimming upstream. The way things are, I feel like I'm spending so much effort just to get forward, while If I just turned some other way, I could swim without even trying. I used to enjoy making art here, and I feel horrible now that I've lost interest. Still I type on and on and on...

I know that none of you are going to read this... but if any of you actually get this far... I'm sorry for ranting. It just felt good to type. gotta go now. latin awaits. "Aquae Sulis" sounds absolutely fascinating... *rolls eyes*